i don’t mean recklessness.
i mean freedom.
i mean saying yes to things i don’t fully understand.
things that might embarrass me. stretch me.
break my rhythm just enough to teach me something new.
ask weird questions in rooms that expect silence.
start a side project that might go nowhere but could change everything.
read poetry out loud. talk to strangers.
get it wrong. laugh. learn. repeat.
i’m tired of optimizing.
of curating.
of making sure every step is impressive, efficient, expected.
i want to wander off-script.
to play. to get messy.
to follow curiosity like it’s a compass that only shows up when i stop trying so hard.
because every time i’ve ever truly grown-
like, deep down, shook-my-whole-outlook grown-
it started with a moment where i let go.
took a chance.
didn’t know what the hell i was doing…
and did it anyway.
because when you fuck around-
when you try things just to see what happens-
you start bumping into new versions of yourself.
a version who actually enjoys speaking.
a version who’s weirdly good at watercolor.
a version who doesn’t care if they look dumb dancing in the rain.
you build range.
you build stories.
you build you.
and sure, you’ll collect some Ls along the way-
but those losses?
they sharpen you. soften you.
make you interesting at dinner parties.
so yeah.
this is me declaring it out loud.
i wanna fuck around more.
and maybe, just maybe,
that’s how i’ll find exactly what i didn’t know i was looking for.